“Forgiveness. It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. You are relieved of carrying that burden of resentment. You really are lighter. You feel lighter. You just drop that.”― Maya Angelou ―
Forgiveness is mostly recognised as a gift that we chose or not to give a person who has done us wrong. We have all been there at somepoint in our lives either at the front end of it having want to apologise for something we didn’t mean to do , or at the other end of it being the victim and unable to process it.
When you fall in the victim category you experience anger, hurt, resentment. These are negative emotions that envelops your life. They almost act like handcuffs that ties up to the situation or the person that caused all the pain. What it does is so harmful as it punishes the innocent party for something they didn’t do. In this situation you have a choice to forgive and move on. I know its easier said than done. When you think about it its even harder to keep punishing yourself for something you haven’t done. You have to understand that forgiving is not a gift you give to the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is a gift you choose to give your self in order to breakfree from toxic emotions that hold you back. Sometimes we forgive someone, atleast we think we have forgiven someone but hearing their name gives you a panic, a pain you can not explain. The memories of the situation still tears you up , this simply means you are still tied up with your handcuffs and you have not yet truly forgiven.
You know you have truly forgiven someoneone when you can finally walk past that with peace. The name of the person will not give you a heart attack or a memory will not tear you up. You will be able to move on with or without that person as this no longer causing you pain. Then you know you have broken the handcuffs of anger, resentment, heartache and pain. You are free and you have chosen love over everything else. It is a beautiful place to be.
Let’s now talk about the other end of forgiveness. Where you hurt someone or causes pain to someone and you truly want to apologise. In this case we don’t really control the situation of forgiveness by the other party, it is entirely up to them. Sometimes we don’t always get the opportunity to apologise or express our feelings the last communication you had may be bitter and ended the connection. In this case we have to learn to forgive ourselves. Self acceptance and self forgiveness takes a lot of courage. We are our biggest critic.
The human is the only animal on earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake.Don Miguel Ruiz ( in the book Four agreements)
In the book Four Agreements Author Don Miguel Ruiz explains why humans are the only animal that pays over and over again for the same mistake. This is because we have an extraordinary memory which takes us back and forth. Every time we remember our mistake we blame us, we punish us. We choose our own handcuffs when we have all that we need to break free. Making the decision to forgive ourselves can be life changing.
I think any kind of forgiveness is a gift we choose to give to ourselves. This gift will help us find peace and choose love over toxic negative emotions that tie us up with the most hurtful memories and situations.
It is a beautiful place to be. It is great to be free.