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Have you ever heard of the statement that a woman marries her father, and a man marries his mother, or the opposite attract. This is simply because of the relationship blueprint.

Take a trip down the memory lane, remember again the time you fell in love with your partner, how you felt like you are finally been understood, seen and heard. We crave more and more of this new person who understands us and accepts us for who we really are. We finally feel whole, and the love begins. How is this same person who once made us feel whole, loved and understood later down the road becomes a nightmare?

When we were growing up our whole entire world was based on our care takers and parents. They moulded us in to who we are, their values, beliefs, and behaviours have been absorbed in to our little brains. Good traits of mother, bad traits of father, or vice versa, an aunty or uncle who was influential, or even the class rebel in the preschool who was brave and confident. All the people who influenced us are being extracted from our memories of childhood experiences creating a blueprint in our subconscious mind of the most influential experiences we had as children all good and bad.

Psychologists say that humans choose their partners that resembles their care takers in their childhood.  Which is why we often here the statement that men marry his mother, a woman marries her father. Even why opposites attract.

Let me explain that further…. Even the world’s best parents and carer’s can not practically meet all the growing needs of a child 100%. When a child’s needs are not met, child develops coping mechanisms in order to get their needs met. Some may cry, rebel, or even suppress their needs like they never existed. These coping mechanisms we develop we often carry them in to our adulthood. For example, A 6 year old girl might do things for approval of her parents, and this girl becomes a lady who thinks she needs approval, validation for most things she does. What served a 6 year old no longer serves a grown adult.

Not only we are carrying things that no longer serve us, we are also shaped and moulded by our care takers. Their beliefs, and patterns have been embedded in to our system, as we grew up we learn the acceptable ways of behaving in order to get our needs met. And through out the years trying to fit in to the container, the parts of our selves have been cut off, we have already lost pieces of who we really are and often broken, hurt and seeking for people and situations to reunite back with the parts of our selves that we have lost a long the way. Harville Hendrix Author of Getting the love you want, says in the process of growing up, there are 3 parts to one’s personality.

  • False self – We pretend to be who we are not
  • Lost self – Parts of our self we lose along the way
  • Disowned self – Parts of our self we let go and disown to be acceptable

Through pattern recognition our subconscious mind map out a blue print of the most influential care takers and people from our childhood in to a blueprint which we now call a relationship blueprint. This blueprint consists of good and bad traits of our parents and caregivers or even most influential people who made an impact to us. Subconscious mind wants us to feel whole, complete, and loved most importantly heal the wounds of the unmet needs of childhood, which is why it created this blueprint so we keep attracting partners in to our life who resembles our parents so we can feel those emotions yet again and deal with it, heal and grow. This is why we attract people that who resembles our parents and carers. This is why, our partners often make us feel the way we felt by our parents. This is the reason we go through the same patterns of situations over and over again. I have had client’s who attract the same kind of partners every single time and break up the same way every time. I have spoken to people who keep attracting abusive partners in to their life. The whole point of recurring patterns is that it will continue, until we heal and grow through it. This is why learning about the relationship blue print is so important, so we know why things happened the way they did, and we can stop them happening again.

How does the opposite attract work ? As explained before we disown and lose parts of who we are along the way. when we see someone with the traits we once had and lost along the way we attract them subconsciously as we see parts of our selves in them. It is not completely opposite, It is re-uniting with their lost self. For example a very confident, outspoken little boy gets told off for constantly disturbing his parents, and told to be quiet and behave, will grow up to attract a very confident outspoken lady as he see parts of his lost self in her.

Our conscious mind can only process 2000 bits of information at a time, where as our subconscious mind can process 20 000 000 bits of information at a time. This is the reason why our subconscious mind can pick up red flags way before our consciousness can. for example, 39 year old claire was walking in the park when she saw a man on the bench he looked up and smiled with her. Instantly her subconscious mind processed the information in his behaviour, body language and thought he was a cheater. But she thought it was nice for him to smile, she was lonely and was seeking love so she ignored the red flags of the subconscious mind and went along with her needs to be loved, seen and accepted. He was a cheater, and her subconscious mind did exactly what it’s programmed to do. Her dad was a cheater himself so she already had the traits of her dad in her blueprint hence the subconscious picked up on the red flags. This is why Intuition is such a powerful tool.

Relationship Blueprint Summaries

  • The relationship blueprint is a blueprint that’s designed by our subconscious mind including the good and bad traits of most influential people from our childhood.
  • Subconscious mind wants you to heal and grow to become the best version of yourself. Recreating unfinished business from childhood emotions are a way of helping you heal and grow through your wounds to become the best version of your self.
  • We often carry coping mechanisms we develop as children that did serve us as kids but no longer serves us as adults, letting these go is important to having a healthy relationship
  • As we grow in to adulthood, we learn acceptable forms of behaviours to get our needs met and most of the time, by the time we meet our partners we are broken, hurt, and lost parts of what made us who we are.
  • When we attract a partner, who matches our blueprint will make us feel heard, loved and whole again, but this partner ignites your past wounds as they resemble your parents or carers.
  • Recurring patterns occur due to subconscious mind recreating the past emotions over and over again, so you can finally learn, grow and heal.
  • When you learn, grow and heal you will no longer attract the people who ignite past wounds and truly embrace new people for who they are.
  • Subconscious mind is super powerful and pop up red flags for you as and when they are needed. That is intuition.
  • When you quiet the consciousness through mindful living you will then have a better access to this intuition.

I hope reading this blog will help you understand why things happen the way they do and most importantly that it is possible to change your reality and gain control of your life. If any of this resonates with you, and you wish to break the patterns, and gain control over your reality feel free to get in touch with me. I will be happy to help .

Sending lots of Love

Nilu Jay

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